Intuition Makes Vulnerability Possible

I’ve been reading Rhaina Cohen’s “The Other Significant Others” this week. It’s filled with stories of people who center friendships in their lives, which means it’s filled with stories of people who had to vulnerably share with a friend that they wanted something different from their friendship, that the friendship meant more than it was “supposed to”.

I’ve also had a week where I’ve shared very vulnerably some things that I want from people in my life.

It’s made me think a lot about the relationship between intuitive loving and vulnerability. Vulnerably sharing what you want with someone can feel, to me at least, like falling into the void. It can feel like being without protection, with all your armor off and all your walls down. It can feel very unsafe.

When this happens, my external-focused brain spins in circles looking for something to grab onto for safety. Was this wrong of me to share? Should I have said it another way instead? Am I a bad, terrible person? Will there be 10,000 horrible consequences? This part of my brain wants to try to control every outcome, wants to stay safe by saying things in the exact right way, or by only sharing an inch. Probably, ideally, by not sharing at all and just staying safe (and alone) with all my walls up.

But having a grounding in my intuition— having listened to myself enough to know what I want and why I want it— gives me something to hold onto in the void that’s not about managing other people’s responses. It’s calmer, more fixed, and it’s oriented away from outcome and towards truth and openness. I know I’m sharing what’s authentic to me right now, and I know it would be inauthentic for me not to share it.

This centering in intuition makes my brain so much less outcome-focused. It takes me to a place where the sharing is what’s important; controlling the outcome or the other person’s response isn’t the goal anymore. My intuitive brain is much more interested in sensation and experience, and it can see a plethora of outcomes as “good”. If the person wants the same thing as me, amazing— that’s one kind of sensation. If I get rejected, that becomes another kind of sensation. When I work from intuition, I have CAPACITY to experience every outcome. Which is just way more fun, and makes vulnerability way easier.

My self-guided course, Inspired Loving, is all about going deep with our intuition and building a strong relationship with what we want and why we want it. This is so important because it’s what carries us through the hard conversations, especially the ones that don’t have clear social models to fall back on. It’s what makes all the ups and downs possible and survivable and potentially even enjoyable. It’s the strength that makes vulnerability possible.

Inspired Loving is $30 (discounted from $36) until noon on Saturday the 26th.